I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
