I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was born a porn star she said
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
