I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
