so that wasnt chicken after all
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
