Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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