U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
