with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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