Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
