you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
