there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
