im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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