He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
soo... how was my night?
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