Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
