the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
