brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
