I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
