i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
