bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
