Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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