There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
