I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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