Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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