I like to think it a success when the cops are called
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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