yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
