sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
