it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
