the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
