he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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