Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
