Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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