Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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