Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
