then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
