I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
