Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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