I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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