Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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