It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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