overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
