It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
