It's Friday. Sex?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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