If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
