You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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