; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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