I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
