Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
