You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
