And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
