you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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