JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
