My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
